The time has come for Benjamin, my first born, to start Kindergarten. I have envisioned the school bus driving away in my mind for the past month while anticipating that he only see my smiles instead of my tears. For this moment is the beginning of his life journey and the start of what life is all about for me as a Mom, letting go.
You see I struggle with this deeply. I feel the void and it's real. Instead of pushing away the emotions I have consciously chosen to be with them. I have also chosen to not let them take over so I am able to be part of this journey. Because when we choose how we want to "be" in a situation we are setting ourselves up to succeed.
There are still moments that I experience great sadness. As the bus was pulling away this morning I glanced up to see Benjamin blowing me kisses and smiling with enthusiasm. Moments like this bring back the tears but make my heart smile knowing he's easing into his own life with excitement and I'm right there experiencing it with him.
The lesson I have learned is that it's OK to feel whatever emotion it may be in any given situation and to take the time to sit with it in hopes that we learn and grow.
What I know for sure is that these tears are part of what it means to be present and that is a process I am committed to as a Mom and an individual seeking meaning in life.
I wanted to share a few resources with you that have helped guide Benjamin and I through this transition in hopes that they will be a source of comfort for you as well.
Books:
The Kissing Hand -Audrey Penn
Wherever you are: my love will find you -Nancy Tillman
Songs:
Always, In all ways -Kenny Loggins
Beautiful Boy-Ben Harper
Quotes:
A mother holds her children's hands for a while...their hearts forever.
-- Author Unknown
